You will never understand
by Arakanga
Summary: At the end of AoD, Lara thinks about her life and what she would tell the other people if she had a chance. Oneshot, nothing special, but review it, please.


Hi. This is just something I wrote when playing TR : AoD, when seeing it´s ending. It should be something like Lara´s thoughts. This one-shot is slightly inpired by Constantine book, some sentences are from it. Yep, it´s short, but I hope you´ll like it and review it, please!

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Standing in the middle of a huge arena, Lara Croft slowly lowered her gaze to the metal disc, which was lying in the pool of blood. Tens of thoughts were in her head. She felt really dreadful; her whole body hurt, her head was spinning, not mentioning the inquietude that was slowly growing, making her feel even worse.

She reached for chirugai, feeling it´s cold metal against her fingertips. The memories began to flood her mind again, she remembered it´s owner. The expressive blue eyes, looking right into her soul...

It was over now. He was probably dead, lying somewhere, broken and defeated. She felt odd, it was like...like he was her friend, in some way. And when she thought of losing another of people she cared for...she felt her strength to leave her. She wanted to give everything up.

She picked chirugai up, looking at it, not knowing what to do. Should she keep it? No, she has to find Kurtis, or eventually, his body. Lara shuddered at the thought, watching the disc.

And suddenly, she felt a strong urge to tell something to the other people, who –and she knew it for sure- will never get experiences in a way she did, to tell the about the grief and pain she had in her heart, in her mind. If she was going to give up here and now, she wanted to realize what she would say. Knowing that she would fell silly if she talked to herself, Lara was imagining herself standing before a crowd.

_I am everything that never happened to you. When you´re working in your office, I´m running, jumping and climbing in the old temples, shooting my enemies and seeking for the hidden truth, which should be buried forever. When you go home and smile at your family, I´m walking to a huge, empty house and feel nothing but cold and a sense of lose. If it weren´t for my loyal friens, Zip and Winston, I would probably be alone for my whole life. I, Lara Croft, have never been afraid of anything but being bored. Or I made myself to believe so._

_Have you ever felt the guilt and pain, so sharp that you thought it´ll tear your heart out of your chest? I have. I have seen people dying, I´ve been facing the God of evil himself, I´ve seen a creatures that could cause a real apocalypse. I´ve gone trough darkness and light. And have killed several times. Sometimes, I can feel the blood on my hands, I can see the ghosts of my enemies following me up. _

_You´ll never understand thís feeling. I held the man who has been my mentor once in my arms, when he died. It wasn´t just the feeling I´ve lost someone who has been close to me again; they accused me for his death and I had to kill again, just to get a chance prove to the others I´m not his murderer, that I´m not the Monster. _

_But when I think about it, maybe I am. What is the difference between us? I´ve taken tens of lifes, like he has. These guards, there policemen, they were just doing their job. And I´ve killed them, just to get what I wanted. You will never understand... _

And when she wanted to leave, when she wanted to begin her search for Kurtis, the disc shifted and the gold glow began to appear. The iron spikes shifting out, she heard a voice in her head; he sounded very weak, but she recognised him instantly. Kurtis.

_I would understand, Lara...I understand you better than you could ever imagine, _he spoke softly.

She smiled as an unseen power turned her around, stopping when she faced a darkened passage. Her hand moved gently over the metal, making the spikes intromit back again. She tried to answer him telepatically.

_Hold on, Kurtis. I´m going to you._

She could feel he was smiling. _I know._

Neither of them knew what the next days will bring, she was sure only about one thing; if there was someone who understood her, Lara wasn´t going to give up. And after all...

...Lara Croft was a warrior.

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So, this was really odd, I know that. But I wanted to write it up, so tell me please what do you think about it. Thanks. And like always, sorry for mistakes.


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